I hate myself

I hate myself, and i know others hate me too...i dont know why i would care to give a damn care about things... about other people... why should i care, its their life, not mind... what they want to do or what they dont want to do is entirely up to them. i know its my habit to care about other people, wether they do their assignment or have they eaten or not...i do care even if they are not my family...but sometimes it hurts when they say that im being to mother-like or tell me to shut up...i hate it... sometimes i wish i could change and not be this idiotic person... really...i hate myself for caring too much...

Things have change...

     Things have change dramastically. Ever since back from Bali last year, now i have a wonderful boyfriend who likes to bully me, have more iranian friends, slowly opening up my self to father. At least try to let him understand me a little bit. I dont really care about what he thinks about me bf, i have done my part to introduce. But not my problem if he didnt want to know more about the people i hang out with. Sometimes i do wish that father be more of a normal father, that wants to engage in our daily life. I dont want to complain...But the way he is....just come back and sit down, watch tv and sometimes dozed off... never want to bond with us...Sometimes when i want to tell him something...like that part about me having a boyfriend...i also dont know how to tell him... no idea what word to start off with. And what would he do if he dont like the idea of me having a bf that is not even malaysian? He doesnt know me at all. I know that he would want me to be married off to a chinese dude, but that is not what i want. Chinese dude aint that good at all.
     Sunday was my birthday, only my bf gave me presents. I know that none would remember my birthday... Well... what to do. Even my cousins...only Kili called me and wished me, and Melcom smash really cold cream onto my face....i have to bath three or four times just to feel secure that i am clean enough to go out there...haiz...

What do I think about editing?

If one ask me about editing, all i can say is that it is fun if i just edit for no reason...maybe for my own fun, maybe because i got an idea for something, or maybe im just looking for an experience. But if one ask me to edit as a career, i would say "No Way Dude!".... i mean really....editing as a career?? really boring for me... i mean...look at it...an editor gets to just sit down 24/7...but i need more action in life than just sitting down... i prefer to go out and do stuff... see things...touch and smell...
Some people say that i am good in editing...and they think that i will be a future editor...no way man.... i prefer more to sticking to me own ideas. i prefer to be a director and a script writer...produce my own script... that is how my future would be like....
I dont mind editing for my group assignments...but really...if others dont edit... it really does not benefit them...but...up to them...