Journey to finding myself, pt 5: Misdirected

Considering myself, I am still a young baby lost in the world of religion. Only but a few months old of reading the bible, going to BFS classes and attending church, I find myself with a question but no answer.

My question was, and still is: "If a person born Chrisitian, does not follow the way of Christ, then what is the point of a new born being introduce to Christ by that very same person?" I mean, isn't that person support to act as a mentor, as a motivator? And not be going about teaching all that is wrong, and yet able to be so blind and so hypocritical about things.

Sorry, the purpose of this blog is not about that person, but about you readers out there to know what is going on in my head, in my life, and around the world. Because for sure, I am not the only one going through all these.

Somehow, but no impossible, I find myself moving not in a different direction, but rather backing away from religion. Isn't learning from Buddha about being a kind hearted, loving human being better than people back talking each other? It really make me sick to see that God fearing people don't even respect and love one another. They say they are not perfect, well, no one ask you to be perfect, so long as you try to improve yourself.

I know one thing is for sure, no one can control my life except me. I know God is there, will always be around us. He gave us his teachings, and gave as many path to choose from. But the message in every religious book says the same thing, we are the one the choose which path we want to walk on. Given people a chance to control the way I choose things for myself, it's wrong. Now it is time for me to take control from everyone, and start deciding which road I want to drive on. On road that would lead me closer to where God have in mind for me.

Which ever road that may be, one thing is for sure, there is something that I have to do before I can finally enjoy my resting days.

Journey to finding self, part 3

People always think to themselves that the need to find oneself is utterly 'castrating'. What is the significant of finding oneself spiritually when it might not bring materialistic values into a person's life?

The thought that I am writing this down wide and open for everyone to read about me finding myself, and the journey of it might seem ridiculous at first, but I do believe that the part I am taking right now, this journey that I am in, I am not the only person here that is taking this step.

So this is my share to the world that are finding themselves and what it is meant for them in their life.

Recently, I told a good friend of mine, about how I was spiritually safe in my career. Though it was just an internship in a really big news company, it was still highly important that I do not screw my chances of getting employed there. But maybe that place wasn't right for me.

The story that I told him was this:

I was attached with a news publishing company, as a photojournalist. My assignment, one day, was to cover an event held in a primary Tamil school down in KL. My trouble was, I could not find this Tamil school. 

Journey to finding self, part 2

I guess my adventure to self finding has just begun, as to what I have been told, everything will start this year and there would be not a single moment for break. I wonder if I might have it in me or not to see it to the end of my destination.

Sometimes, reading signs and their meanings can be tricky... Everywhere I turn, there is that possibility of miss reading things, so many of the things might just be it!

13th General Election (Malaysia)

As the years gone by, I am now writing this message at the age of soon-to-be 23 years. This thus marks a record on my life time that this coming may election would be the first ever election that I am involve too close to comfort.

I am never into politicians and the like of it. Never had any inkling to read anything relating to politics in our country. "What is the point?" I would often find myself asking and answering people whenever they ask me of my opinion on politics.

However, how does this year makes a different for me, as election is ever 5 years? What difference is that I am not only reading about the world of politics, but I am also involved in understanding the world of politics and how it is working up our life and how it is making each and every one of us... Us! People who wish to control our own life in the end putting our own life in the hands of another!

As they have always, would always say 'People for the People!' And I would ask in return, 'When will it be the day that we the people start to put our own lives in our own hands and self govern ourselves?' My answer in return 'NEVER!'

Journey to finding self, part 1

The thought "What am I here for?" has always been in my mind like honey towards a wild bear. I don't know if it is the same for many out there, or perhaps I am just to drama queen, but I am sure there are probably one or two out there that might just think the same way as I am now.

Life, is it simply just because it is the way it is? Or that everything that we know, everything that we have had been through and experience things and live to tell about it another day just occur with no absolute reason? That things just happen because it happened so? Or are we all pre-destine to something larger?

I have always wonder to myself, what would I be like after 10 years, 15, 25 years gone by... What would I be doing by then? Would I be someone of importance or would I just be like every else who goes about their business and not caring about the world?

Would I be doing what I need to do or would I just be a normal wife to a normal husband and have a normal family like everyone else?

If everyone is living one and the same life that everyone else is living in, then what makes us different from each other? How would I say that "I am Kimberly Yeo Chui In, the one and only?" Are we all created to be the same and doing the same things day after day like everyone else? But what if, there is something more that we could do, something that we normally would not do, but because of the things that are changing around us, causes us to be better and to take action?

Question:
1. What if we were all born with a higher purpose, whether it is to meet someone, or to help someone in need that we are able to help them, or maybe, perhaps to change the world for the better?

2. Will we be able to learn what it is that we are suppose to do, or do with take a leap of faith? But faith in what?

3. How and where do we find these answers and how reliable are they?

Poverty in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Poverty... What is poverty? Just another word in the dictionary with more useless words that meant nothing more to another human being whom set high up in the status quo. What is poverty? For someone who wakes up every morning, left the house with perfume tracing their steps, with a desk at the office, car at the basement and a family to go home to at the end of the day. It is no different from a man waking up every morning, walking to a clear spot on the street with footsteps to trace his every whereabouts, personal belongings beside him where ever he goes, and every where is his place for a home in the cold night.

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The Going Gets Tough

It has been long since the last time I post an entry into my diary. Lately, there were lots of things up in my head. Some of which took hold the better judgement of me. Some, by far the most disappointing memoirs to be made for future lessons.

I admit that I have been away, from my fellow readers. From my college friends and close families. It seems that I have lost the touch of being able to communicate with people other than myself. Unsocialize, some would call me. But I do not deny... I have lost the sense of socializing. To my friends and families out there, I truly ask for your forgiveness and also your understanding.

Never Notice Until You Back

Sometimes I wonder what is in the future ahead for me... What is in stored for me, and what would my life be like. All kinds of imagination about my future lingers in my head and how and what I have to do to reach to my dream. Even know, I still wonder if the things I did was the right one to even do it.

Now after 6 years that have passed by, I started cleaning up my room, only to find more things that triggers memories. Memories that I least want to remember. Most consist of people that I envy, people that had betray me people that dont really have anything good thing to do with my life. But somewhere buried deep beneath all of this bad memories, lies some of the good ones. Ones that I got close to such as my cousins, even though there were good times and bad times. Some whom are my friends that I could count on.

But the thing is, we see the importance of looking forward so much that we forgot to take the time to look at what we have gone through in our life to reach to where we are now. When I was cleaning my room, I realize that 6 years have passed since the time I taken a picture with my 3 other cousins together. Yet I remembered it as if it was only yesterday...

ScartyScarf signing off!

Extraordinary Life

Life is not something that someone can say it to be ordinary. To me, Life is something extraordinary, because you never really get to know when will your time be up, how and where. I guess that is why many people like to say this one quotation:

Live life to the fullest

Finally the day has come...

Though many people says that we humans would not be able to stop learning, until the day they die, rot and faith away, I just want to say... Sometimes, people can just get sick from learning too much. Especially when you have to learn from people who teach you absolutely nothing.

Something Lacking for Film Students in LUCT

If you are thinking of taking film course in Limkokwing University of Creative Technology, I strongly advice, DON'T.

This are the things that you would not learn there:

1. How to write a documentary script.

2. How to do a proper mood board.

3. How to make DVD with playlist, scene selection...

4. How to make documentary of all the 6 modes

5. The right way of writing treatment.

6. How to write treatment for documentary.

7. How to draw blocking.

8. How to play with lights.

9. Special makeup

This is what is lacking in Limkokwing. 

Busy Week

Hi guys, its been a long busy week that I couldn't even have a peak at my own favorite blogs. Anyway, I have been busy walking around KL, taking pictures, taking more footages of what is happening around us. I have a car of my own. But I more prefer to drive my car to somewhere, and walk 50 meters around it, taking pictures and videos as I go. Not only it is a good way to loose all the fats, but sometimes you just cant get anything from sitting in the car...

So back on the matter of my final year project, looks like it that I cant make it, because I don't have any actress that would play the part of the girlfriend. Now my plan has changed... I'm doing a documentary instead, about life...and death... Actually...now Im on the way of editing it... But tears keep falling down as I edit...just too sad...

Anyway, got to go do my work... Take care, and Happy Halloween.

This is ScartyScarf signing off...

P.S... If I am lucky enough, I might just bring you some pictures of Halloween in Malaysia (KL).

A Tiring Day

Today is as normal as any day could be. Nothing much to do. Only I wish that I was back in the T-Bowl restaurant eating that poopoo coco ice cream. It was only around 6 ringgit. Something worth while on this tiring and boring day.

I personally dont even know why I got tired in the first place. Maybe it is the lack of sleep... but I sleep around 1:30 am yesterday... I should say today... this early early way early morning. Anyway, this is life. Life of a student. No matter if its sleeping late or early, still have to drive to uni the next day. Talking about drive, that reminds me... I nearly hit into the bud of another car... I think it was a proton...

Anyway, today I am heading the bed a little early. So goodnight all, have a good dream.
This is ScartScarf signing off!

An Open Truth

Today, I walked the streets of economical heart of Malaysia. Trust me, it was an eye opener. After so many years staying in Malaysia, now I agree and straight forwardly speak out the truth. If you hate what you read here or dont believe me, then you yourself can go and see.

I walked for more than 5 hours in Kuala Lumpur today. To be exact, I walk in Bukit Bintang, which was said to be the heart of business, where travelers come to make deals, do business and hang out with friends and families. To tell you the truth, what I seen today was not business. It was not a place of fun at all.

Instead, it was filled with the smell of vomit, piss and even rotten food that lies on the floor. And with that much people walking on that streets, those food just hits on everyone's shoe. What rots! Futhemore, there were thousands of cigerrate butts laying on the floor, papers and plastic flying all over. It was not a clean sight, not to even mention about doing business there.

Yes, business there is good and money comes. But dont forget about being clean too...I mean...I really wanted to puke with all those smells....

Malaysia's beauty is a beauty, only if they know how to take care of it...

Anyway, this is ScartyScarf signing off.