Just Blaming My Self...

     Life sucks, college sucks, food sucks... Everything that happen in my life, that happen to people that i know, i always blame myself. Last time, mom often gets into car accident. And even though it was only just a minor accident I still blame myself, like a silly donkey. I dont know what else that I can do to help. Bad things just keep happening.
    These days, day things keep happening to my family. Again, I dont know what to do. Just sit down and see the things unfolding in front of me. Now my own father is not talking to us anymore, and most of the time I feel like it was because of me. The thing about how he always say that I used most of his money just hurt me soo bad. Sometimes I just feel like stop going to college and just work. Maybe just finish my novels and my script and sell them to anyone who wants to buy them.
    Even the college sucks. Sometimes we even have to pay for subjects that we dont really need, that is not necessary for the course that i took.
     I just dont know what to do. Next week my boyfriend's mother and his brother will be coming here to Cyberia. Which reminds me, I need to clean the house...    

I hate myself

I hate myself, and i know others hate me too...i dont know why i would care to give a damn care about things... about other people... why should i care, its their life, not mind... what they want to do or what they dont want to do is entirely up to them. i know its my habit to care about other people, wether they do their assignment or have they eaten or not...i do care even if they are not my family...but sometimes it hurts when they say that im being to mother-like or tell me to shut up...i hate it... sometimes i wish i could change and not be this idiotic person... really...i hate myself for caring too much...

Things have change...

     Things have change dramastically. Ever since back from Bali last year, now i have a wonderful boyfriend who likes to bully me, have more iranian friends, slowly opening up my self to father. At least try to let him understand me a little bit. I dont really care about what he thinks about me bf, i have done my part to introduce. But not my problem if he didnt want to know more about the people i hang out with. Sometimes i do wish that father be more of a normal father, that wants to engage in our daily life. I dont want to complain...But the way he is....just come back and sit down, watch tv and sometimes dozed off... never want to bond with us...Sometimes when i want to tell him something...like that part about me having a boyfriend...i also dont know how to tell him... no idea what word to start off with. And what would he do if he dont like the idea of me having a bf that is not even malaysian? He doesnt know me at all. I know that he would want me to be married off to a chinese dude, but that is not what i want. Chinese dude aint that good at all.
     Sunday was my birthday, only my bf gave me presents. I know that none would remember my birthday... Well... what to do. Even my cousins...only Kili called me and wished me, and Melcom smash really cold cream onto my face....i have to bath three or four times just to feel secure that i am clean enough to go out there...haiz...

What do I think about editing?

If one ask me about editing, all i can say is that it is fun if i just edit for no reason...maybe for my own fun, maybe because i got an idea for something, or maybe im just looking for an experience. But if one ask me to edit as a career, i would say "No Way Dude!".... i mean really....editing as a career?? really boring for me... i mean...look at it...an editor gets to just sit down 24/7...but i need more action in life than just sitting down... i prefer to go out and do stuff... see things...touch and smell...
Some people say that i am good in editing...and they think that i will be a future editor...no way man.... i prefer more to sticking to me own ideas. i prefer to be a director and a script writer...produce my own script... that is how my future would be like....
I dont mind editing for my group assignments...but really...if others dont edit... it really does not benefit them...but...up to them...

Unconsiderate housemates

Do you think that, as a housemate that you should be considerate about the right timing to be as noisy idiots? Yea you should! I mean come on... which in heaven grace does people come back in the early morning where the sun haven't even touch the horizon and you bringing your bunch of monkeys and made so much loud noise? Im not saying that they are monkeys...but they are being and inconsiderate ass holes... sorry for my rude language coz its bloody 4.45am now....

Some people need to sleep here!!