What's Love?

Love... ever so soft, so tender, kindness and full of wonders and miracles. It is freely given, yet often, it is taken for granted. The love that we give to others, the kindness from our heart that represents so much more than words could ever explain. Though kindness and love is great, they are often being treated back with wickedness. Black and darkness from the bottomless pit of any human soul could bare. 

Journey to finding myself, pt 5: Misdirected

Considering myself, I am still a young baby lost in the world of religion. Only but a few months old of reading the bible, going to BFS classes and attending church, I find myself with a question but no answer.

My question was, and still is: "If a person born Chrisitian, does not follow the way of Christ, then what is the point of a new born being introduce to Christ by that very same person?" I mean, isn't that person support to act as a mentor, as a motivator? And not be going about teaching all that is wrong, and yet able to be so blind and so hypocritical about things.

Sorry, the purpose of this blog is not about that person, but about you readers out there to know what is going on in my head, in my life, and around the world. Because for sure, I am not the only one going through all these.

Somehow, but no impossible, I find myself moving not in a different direction, but rather backing away from religion. Isn't learning from Buddha about being a kind hearted, loving human being better than people back talking each other? It really make me sick to see that God fearing people don't even respect and love one another. They say they are not perfect, well, no one ask you to be perfect, so long as you try to improve yourself.

I know one thing is for sure, no one can control my life except me. I know God is there, will always be around us. He gave us his teachings, and gave as many path to choose from. But the message in every religious book says the same thing, we are the one the choose which path we want to walk on. Given people a chance to control the way I choose things for myself, it's wrong. Now it is time for me to take control from everyone, and start deciding which road I want to drive on. On road that would lead me closer to where God have in mind for me.

Which ever road that may be, one thing is for sure, there is something that I have to do before I can finally enjoy my resting days.

Journey to finding myself, pt 4: Purpose

Most of the time I wish i am in the fantasy world. I dont know what am I doing in this complex reality, what is my purpose being here? Even as a journalist, what is my purpose? To write? to inform? to investigate? To tell the truth? But for who? and How? If I were to write on something that I care most, and readers doesnt care much, then what is next? and if I were to write what reader wants to read, and its not my passion of topic, than what am I?

Journey to finding self, part 3

People always think to themselves that the need to find oneself is utterly 'castrating'. What is the significant of finding oneself spiritually when it might not bring materialistic values into a person's life?

The thought that I am writing this down wide and open for everyone to read about me finding myself, and the journey of it might seem ridiculous at first, but I do believe that the part I am taking right now, this journey that I am in, I am not the only person here that is taking this step.

So this is my share to the world that are finding themselves and what it is meant for them in their life.

Recently, I told a good friend of mine, about how I was spiritually safe in my career. Though it was just an internship in a really big news company, it was still highly important that I do not screw my chances of getting employed there. But maybe that place wasn't right for me.

The story that I told him was this:

I was attached with a news publishing company, as a photojournalist. My assignment, one day, was to cover an event held in a primary Tamil school down in KL. My trouble was, I could not find this Tamil school. 

Journey to finding self, part 2

I guess my adventure to self finding has just begun, as to what I have been told, everything will start this year and there would be not a single moment for break. I wonder if I might have it in me or not to see it to the end of my destination.

Sometimes, reading signs and their meanings can be tricky... Everywhere I turn, there is that possibility of miss reading things, so many of the things might just be it!

Poem pic: Our land, Our home

Poem pic: Oh Shattered Soul

Telling me about ME!!

There are times I wonder to myself, about the companies I put myself into, the kind of people that I let myself to hang around with. My parents often 'warn' me about predators that seeks to take advantage of people like me, ever so willing to help those who ask for it, always ready to trust people without much 'knowing' them nor to ask about their true intention.

I grown up with books around me. Always hiding myself in between shelves of books in the public library, often for hours and hours on end. That was one of the fun time of my childhood that I can think of, always filling my head with stories from the fantasy land with talking animals and beautiful worlds with things that are childish in the real world. But I cant help it, especially when I only get a book once every year cause the prize for books were too much on my parent's list. It had to do, and now I quite a number of books that cant even fit in my book shelf.

Between fantasy and what is real;

I had and still am experiencing unexplainable things. Many people, especially those scientist often would say that there are always explanation to things, events and phenomenal happenings. But ever wonder if there are more than just science or religious beliefs that are going on in this world?

Recently, I met a new friend, at first it was because of my wanting to help this new acquaintance, which later indeed became someone of important in my life. I cant really tell what kind of importance this is, but I see it as someone that I would care for, like a family member.

But one thing caught my attention, compare to all the people I know in my life, that has been years and years, this new friend had only known me for about a month now, and yet is able to tell me about myself up front. Honestly, no one has ever done that. No one can ever do that anyway, cause they are too absorb with their own life.

The sad thing about this world is that every man is for himself. I don't know about you guys out there, but I haven't met a single soul that would put others before himself.

So much things to do, yet so little time!

13th General Election (Malaysia)

As the years gone by, I am now writing this message at the age of soon-to-be 23 years. This thus marks a record on my life time that this coming may election would be the first ever election that I am involve too close to comfort.

I am never into politicians and the like of it. Never had any inkling to read anything relating to politics in our country. "What is the point?" I would often find myself asking and answering people whenever they ask me of my opinion on politics.

However, how does this year makes a different for me, as election is ever 5 years? What difference is that I am not only reading about the world of politics, but I am also involved in understanding the world of politics and how it is working up our life and how it is making each and every one of us... Us! People who wish to control our own life in the end putting our own life in the hands of another!

As they have always, would always say 'People for the People!' And I would ask in return, 'When will it be the day that we the people start to put our own lives in our own hands and self govern ourselves?' My answer in return 'NEVER!'

Compilation of the Golden Rule

Aboriginal Spirituality
We are as much alive as we keep the Earth alive.
- Chief Dan George

Baha'i Faith
Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would not desire for yourself.
- Baha'u'llah, Gleanings

Buddhism
Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
- The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.18

Christianity
In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law of the prophets.
- Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Confucianism
One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct... Loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.
- Confucious, Analects 15.23

Hinduism
This is the sum of duty; do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you...
- Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam
Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself.
- The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith

Jainism
One should treat all creatures in the world as one would like to be treated.
- Mahavira, Sutrakritanga

Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary.
- Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a

Sikhism
I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all.
- Guru Granth Sahib, pg 1299

Blocked without reason by Iranian Government

Being opt out without acting menace towards Iran by the Iranian Law

The act of online warfare has no doubt been in our system for decades and decades more to come. With the uprise of the Internet and computers and more mobile social network app, the need to censor everyone from everyone has been configure into each system of every government.

The picture above is a sample of how my blog actually looks like back in the Iranian border. Note that the URL highlighter is the URL to my blog of which you are now partly reading. The second highlight however stated the current condition of my blog viewing from Iran, which with a bit help of translation from a friend: "The access to the page has been denied". Sad, but true.

Falling snow turned ashed grey

I found this in my possession, something about wars that I had written last year. Do enjoy readying it!

The coldest of winter that once was, now no longer.
Engulfed by the blazing flame of hell. Only this was just the starting of heavenly for those in power. While the innocent suffers in a place that is not theirs.
It was... 

Grownups against grownups,
Children against children.
Guns against bombs.
Bombs against tanks.
Tanks against guns. 

They rise those metals up high,
For every flash that fall was a victory.
With cheer they went on. Surviving what their forefathers had brought down upon them. Forgetting the reason that started it. Here, humanity exist no longer. It is a world where only power will keep you alive. Other than that was a much worser fate than those dogs scavenging through the trash. It was a lost city for the weak. One wrong move and you end up clothe-less, meat-less and soon, forgotten as your bones lay down to dry over the heat of men. And that is if no blood of yours have spilled! 

One by one, the bone crusher come rummaging through the city walls. the screams of women echo the empty dying town. The sons of Adam was smart to keep their population going, taking every women they spot to the meat house, there where they would do their foulest things upon his daughters, and the daughters of their daughters, and the daughters that follow next. 

It was not to say that a new era had befall upon us. For this was nothing to be called as new. It was a time of final destination upon men kind. And history would repeat itself as it has already.

Aidin - Year of Fourth

A Memoir to my Beloved Friend - Aidin;

The rise and fall marks this day, year of fourth,

The happy and the sad times was such a lothe,

Which comes an end to all in a morgue.

Our journey was of short,

Though not covered by length of Sword,

Nor the ways of the Lord.

It was a journey to South back North,

A travel of cold and hot and what of not.

The rise and fall mark this the fourth,

With every strike of every forge,

With every fight thats ever fought,

Marks a change as life comes forth. 

==========

Listening to: I'm on fire - Bruce Springsteen

Mood: In the midst of hot weather

Location: In a moving car

==========

I dont believe it, but doesnt mean they dont

Currently I am helping my cousin with her pre-wedding video. As what you can see on the left side, is a picture, their poster that I have successfully made. Donno if they might want to print it out and hang it one their bedroom wall or not. But its not a normal wedding poster, or wedding portrait. But it is the essence of their story. Hopefully it turns out well. See, this is the first ever wedding video that I am doing, without anyone's help, no assistant, no camera man, no sound man, but just me... a one man standing on the deserted desert... not to mention, I am not even a man, just a normal everyday life girl who just know a little of everything. Trust me, I rather know one thing professionally than to one a lot of things and not being of any good at them.

Facing Fear and Pain

I have always known to run away from my fears, run away from pain, anything that could remotely seems to hurt me, I just dash the opposite direction, never having the will to confront them. For 23 years I have been hiding myself in the dark, away from these feelings. The fear of what my imagination has implanted in my mind, ghost and spirits and the world of unknown. But these fear does not just come from those that we imagine. What hurts a human soul more is the fear that is brought forth from the person closes to you. And like what Bill Champton said in True Blood season 5: "Vampires will always turn against those closes to them." I don't know about Vamps and so on, but I sure hell knows that people turn against each other at the most crucial times.

Oh Shattered Soul

Oh Shattered Soul, my shattered Memories,

Looking thru the depth of our serenities.

Is there no place? Is there no face?

To be put only in such a pace...

Oh Shattered Soul, my shattered Ghoul,

Will it ever be our shattered growl?

Forever it be lost,

Only to see, thou, in our lust...

Oh what a time it has been,

Only to have ended in such a scene.

But what is gone for ever more,

Just a line stored in my memoir.

To say me last,

Is just a dust,

For what is must,

Now comes past.

The old road must come to an end,

For a newer has begin!

==========

Listening to: Cloud Atlas Sextet (OST of Cloud Atlas)

Mood: Sombre

Location: Hall, study desk

==========

Hurt of a Relationship

It hasn't been the first time where I had voluntarily hurt myself, physically as well as emotionally. The most disturbing part is that I am able to do it over and over again rather than to crawl out of this pathetic hole I had dug myself into.

People always question about the psychological well being of a suicide person without the primary understanding of how it feels to be hurt deep inside without any medication to ease the pain. Though it would be to ask about the reasoning behind the suicide attempts, but none seem to ask about the support they use to have or the emotional rupture of that person.

My Lonely Lore

I present you with a little poetry I had written myself this night:

I stare at the silent starry night

The cold wind blew gently

Dancing with the hairs on my naked skin

Soft as they seem, the golden brown sand beneath my feet

Where oh where shall I go on this Silent Night?

My heart Thump Tily Thump

Like the sound of the African drum

If only you're here, to see them on my thumb

Just how the sound of rhythmic rum

Where oh where shall I go on this Mid Night Run?

To part, we did, never more,

To say I shall, neither nor,

For you it might be a core,

But what is more than to say no more?

Where oh where shall I cry my lonely Lore?

==========

Listening to Loreena McKennitt - The Mummer's Dance

Mood: Inspired

Location: Hall, sofa bed

==========

A new start

Okay, I am admitting myself here, I suck in blogging. Writing a dairy, yeah, sure... that is as hell easy as talking to myself in the mirror or like the time I am talking to God silently in my own brain. But writing what matters for the public reader isn't as easy as taking a candy from a child... or at this moment, kissing a random handsome stranger on the street! Not that I am kissing anyone at the moment... I mean seriously...